xii, 228 pages : 22 cm

Celebrities are great! -- Searching for Michael Jackson's nose: future newspaper headlines -- The Barbara Walters interview: Barbara Walters -- What's on TV tonight? -- Star Trek: a celbrity itself -- The cultural elitist channel -- A two -- two, ah! ah! ah! -- two-faced snake -- Material girl -- Ways to make hockey more popular among television viewers in the United States -- NFL.com presents: training camp journals -- The fin thing again -- What a croc! -- The Larry King interview: E.T. the extra-terrestrial -- Intellectual property -- Fabulous! -- Coming up during sweeps month -- Celebrity genitals -- Shatner! -- The reality of television: reality television -- The bachelor: bachelorette application form -- You! Are! Next! -- Internal memorandum -- & $*!#! -- The school for aspiring supermodels -- Dear Mr. TV answer man -- Ten signs your big new movie is going to bomb at the box office -- What's on TV tonight in hell -- Film review -- The season of fawn -- Simple ways to make the Oscars less tedious -- Oscar Bingo -- How to write an Oscar speech -- The apology: a one-act play -- A selection of movie artifacts and memorabilia rejected by Planet Hollywood -- The fifteen things I'd immediately do if I ran American television -- A personal message to powerful Hollywood executives

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